A maker is who I am. The most basic instinct that drives me is to make my own things. The medium through which I do so holds little importance. I am also burdened with the need to understand the world. This, I do through creative work. Every kind of creative expression I have employed reveals the necessity of human agency, the ability to derive meaning from one's environment through reflection and creative expression. Purpose-driven consciousness leads to reflection on my existing creative work, and this reflection facilitates a deeper understanding of my environment. This is possible because I am nothing but a net sum of my environment, whose intricate depths and streams of influence, hidden in my creativity, are revealed to me through reflection.
The mistakes of my life are plenty. At every point in my life, I have defied the expectations of obedience and hard work. And it has cost me dearly. You may compare my predicament to that of a ball in a pinball machine. The launcher springs me up while I am oblivious to the ceiling above. You can only imagine my surprise when I reach its upper limits. I bump around violently and unpredictably, and the loud clang of the metal parts as I hit them leaves me dizzy and confused. These are my life lessons. Unfortunately, as the energy dissipates, the vibration fades, and I revert to an ignorant state, susceptible, yet again, to repetition. Life's gravity is always trying to drag me down, with one thing after another. In my case, there seems to also be a magnet near the bottom, incessantly pulling me down. The two paddles at the bottom are a combination of elements working together—family, luck, resources and, rarely, some efforts of my own. The former elements do an incredible job of keeping me alive in the game. On occasion, these paddles launch me into ramps and lanes: undiscovered avenues, areas of opportunity, possibly leading to side quests I must participate in. They provide a chance to put things in perspective, and put my understanding of my environment to the test. All the lawless bumping doesn't feel great.
However, as long as I stay above the surface, clattering aggressively all over the place is ultimately going to cater to my goals and motives. What matters is how long you can keep at it in the playing field—doing the right work, doing the hard work, letting yourself be supported when you reach the bottom, and biding your time. You have to make your work known by bumping into and around everything in your reach, letting your work be seen, passing your impact to others and leaving them buzzed with curiosity and determination. I have barely experienced what life has to offer, but in my heart, I at least know this to be true.
All that there is to do, I want to do. It is certainly a dangerous desire. Nevertheless, I believe that I have what it takes to get it all done—as it is necessary. Naturally, the dangers of spreading oneself too thin must be accounted for. Certain things always take first priority, such as lengthening and strengthening the paddles, simplifying the lanes, and making myself malleable, such that I easily adapt, learn and absorb through my experience.
Reaching and more importantly, transcending the high score demands personal agency, discipline, and—most importantly—the minimisation of the role of chance in one's life. So that even if a dinosaur rampages into the arcade, I know my pinball machine—my life and environment—will probably be safe, because it will be made of titanium, welded to the ground, and hidden in a Fort Knox-level vault in the basement of the arcade—all at once. If one starts living in such a manner, they will not be stopped easily. I have barely experienced what life has to offer, but in my heart, I at least know this to be true.
Volatile but focused, I will conceive new ideas, test them, and determine their worth. I will collect the worthy ones and build upon them until they are worth their weight in gold. I will find answers to the most painful questions that exist—and question the answers taken for granted. I will read, reflect, learn and apply, for the sake of myself and, more importantly, for humanity—as it is necessary.